Living Throes- A New Chapter

Being unemployed brought with it a lot of transitions. While I wanted to stay here long enough to find myself a job or a substitute engagement, paying bills and rent became somewhat of a challenge. I struggled with the idea of temporarily moving with someone after my lease expired. It was a difficult decision- letting go of your independence, your space and privacy, something the US teaches you. Back in India, I hardly cared about living under the same roof with my parents, sibling, and relatives who visited us too frequently to be called visitors. Yet here even the thought of sharing someone else’s space made me think again, not just in terms of someone encroaching my space, but also in terms I encroaching their space.

The first hurdle came in finding someone I would like enough to stay with. I approached a few friends and finally I moved in with G and her family, who were more than happy to host me. The next hurdle was to physically move from my apartment. The stress of moving is often underestimated. It started with selling off my furniture, getting rid of things I did not need, and packing the rest into boxes. Every stage of moving is such a Herculean task that I could write chapters about it. Earlier this month, I finally said adieu to my apartment and moved in with G. It seems like living out of suitcases. All my belongings are stacked in boxes in their garage. I look at the boxes and sigh – for all the stuff I accumulated in 3 years and had a pretty functional home going for me, it seems as if my life has been dismantled and stored in boxes.

In the meantime while I wait in anticipation for some news everyday, maybe an admit from a school, life has been quite different ever since I moved here. Her 16-month-old baby Kalyani keeps me busy, and I am observing and learning so much from being with the little one. Last Sunday when I finally moved out of my apartment, I was inconsolable. Packing and cleaning had seeped me out of my energy. As I said a final goodbye to my apartment, I knew I was stepping into a life of uncertainty and quasi-homelessness. Not that G or her family has ever made me feel unwelcome, but just the thought of leaving your apartment, your space was scary. Everything took a while to get used to- the different bed, the different door knobs, the smell of the house, the feel of carpet beneath my feet.

Sunday evening I called my friend who lives in Kirkland and howled on the phone. I had no reason to cry [I should have been happy on the contrary that someone was nice enough to let me stay at their place]. I felt like a little baby who has started going to school. I felt vulnerable, miserable, and insecure. Deep down I had this thought of feeling like a homeless.

However things started to fall into place soon. I got used to living in a new household. I started with making myself useful and helping in simple things like taking care of baby Kalyani, unloading the dishwasher, and so on. But it does feel great to have company, to share your morning tea with someone, to have a partner for gym, and of course a baby to smile at you and keep you on your toes. I am getting used to the idiosyncrasies and the food habits of a Tamil household. Not that I understand much of what they converse.

That has been my life so far- getting used to the changes, waiting forever in dilemma, praying I get an admit from a decent school, and waiting in a limbo. It’s not the best of the situations to be in, but in a way, I am lucky that I still have a house to live in and people to care for me. The nice little things people do for you during your hard times really remain as blessings with you. Let’s see what life has to offer after this.

sunshine