Gripping reality

            It was a dinner date that got downgraded to a coffee date for lack of time and opportunity. Nevertheless, it lasted for four hours. Between two cups of French press coffee with an insufferable amount of condensed milk and another cup of tea, conversations happened.

            There were so many tales to be told. Tales about art, paintings, exhibitions, photography, rocket engines, mergers and acquisitions, western music, farms in Hungary and eastern Europe, density ratios, fuel propellants, and camera lenses. Time was on supersonic wings. There is nothing more disheartening than someone constantly checking work emails during a conversation, but it is an unavoidable occupational hazard. Nevertheless, she did her best to look feminine. She even reapplied her lipstick and combed her hair in the restroom that day.

            Soon, it was time to say goodbye. It started pouring, and as she watched the rain pour itself into an already brimming pool, she wondered how this would all end. She would perhaps shake hands, say formal goodbyes, and drive back home nodding her head to her latest favorite milne hai mujhse aayi.

            Her prediction was partially off. That was the first time he hugged her. But not before shaking her hand and saying, “You have a very manly grip.”

sunshine

Ignore Arrogance? Arrow Ignorance?

I was talking to a certain Mr. Igno-Arrogant, a distant friend of a friend’s friend. We started talking about what we do for a living. I told him that I work towards developing the scientific workforce, more specifically, a PhD in Science Education. Now I am not totally new to confused looks when someone hears about my subject of interest. I am more than happy most of the time to explain what that means. Some even ask if this means I educate people or teach science. It is neither. Broadly speaking, I just research on how to motivate more people to study science, how to reach out to those at the risk of losing interest, I research on how to teach teachers to teach science better, and so on. Many ask me is this real science, since they perceive science to be something done mixing chemicals or running instruments, even writing codes, but something that either involves a computer or a grim-looking laboratory straight out of science fiction. Most people do not regard the practice of any other forms of science as real science. I would attribute it to a little shortsightedness and a lot of difference in philosophy, but I digress here.

This gentleman, and of course it had to be a man, gentle or not, listened to me explain what I do for my PhD. Then he arched his eyebrows, almost convincing me he was impressed, and told me what a great plan it was. On hearing the word “plan”, I got a little confused. I’ll paraphrase what he explained to me.

He was all praises, genuinely, without sarcasm. He told me that instead of doing a PhD in something challenging, and more demanding, like engineering or nuclear science, it is great that I choose to do a PhD in something not many people know about, let alone choose it as a career option. According to him, this means I would face less competition, less struggle, and would establish myself faster than any of my peers studying something more in demand, like medicine or computer engineering. It would take me less time, lesser number of publications, and lesser efforts to have a scintillating career. He was all praises for me, earnestly, honestly.

Honestly, I did not what to tell this dude. That just because he doesn’t know about a field doesn’t make it any less demanding or easier to establish oneself in, like he thought. He had an offensive tone to his voice, just like we used to look down on someone in school who studied home science or gardening compared to say, computer science or electronics. That was in school of course, and I have huge issues with establishing a hierarchy in education where certain subjects are meant for intelligent people, and certain subjects are meant for the brainless lot to ensure they can still have some job and not die of starvation. Science is not just the phenomenon of studying atoms and molecules, it is the phenomenon of studying anything, be it human psychology, workings of a political system, or the way certain spices and vegetables go well together when you cook them. Now certain professions have a greater demand in the society than others, and as we have witnessed it, things evolve around a certain pattern. My parents told me that when they were in college, engineering or medicine weren’t the most coveted things to do, and the better students did a B.Sc and M.Sc in “pure sciences” (another term I have issues with. Why pure sciences? Is there anything impure?). Things changed, the engineering subjects came more in demand, computer sciences became somewhat a “hot” field, followed by biotechnology. Now do you choose to study something just because it is in vogue, or do you study it because it aligns to your interests? The society needs as much of engineers as it needs teachers, scientists, economists, geologists, historians, writers, and political scientists. The society even needs "logists" less heard of- rheologists, nematologists, and orthodontists; and I am not throwing random terms to emphasize its importance. Anyway, I have digressed here. My main issue was the fact that this dude actually thought it is better to study something “haabi-jaabi” (Bengali word for “anything not of much worth”) and face less competition than study something high in demand. I couldn’t decide if I should have ignored his arrogance or arrowed his ignorance in the right direction. I did neither. I just smiled at him and told him, “You are so right. Hope not many people discover this secret”. I think my sarcasm was wasted on him.

sunshine

Are men really from Mars?

Mars, because you don’t need to shop there. Or lug stuff half way across the world from point A to point B. And lug stuff back from point B to point A.

While visiting Kolkata, I made sure I chose an airline that let me carry the maximum weight as baggage allowance (Apparently Air India still allow 2 bags, but American Airlines doesn’t). Then I made sure every bag was filled to its maximum capacity, and a little more. I got away smiling innocently at the person at the counter who had started to protest because I was carrying some 1.5 kg extra. Perfumes, body lotions, chocolates and candies still unfinished after 3 months, IKEA stuff, and this and that. If my airline had given me four extra bags to fill, I’m confident I’d have filled them too.

Once my bags were empty in Kolkata, I had to fill them up again before I moved back. This time it was Indian clothes, books, jewelry, and more “this and that” things. I asked myself how much an innocuously looking saree could weigh. Oh that kurta looks amazing, isn’t it? And I want that dress in blue too. Before I knew, I was long past my weight allowance. Oh hell, I had to prioritize and take only certain stuff with me now [I kept the rest and convinced sister I got it for her for her birthday which is still 7 months away].

And then I called up my guy friend visiting Kolkata for a rant session about how it sucks to have baggage restrictions. I was sure he would have understood my plight, going through the same situation himself.

Me: “Isn’t it a pain to have baggage restrictions? How are you managing?”

He: “Err…. I got just one suitcase.”

Me: “What !!! Poor you !! What airline are you flying? It allows just one bag?”

He: “It allows two. It’s just that I carried one.”

Me: “Wh…Wh…What?? Why on earth?”

He: “I didn’t have much to bring back home.”

Me: “So you could have got empty bags. What about stuff you need to carry back?”

He: “I don’t have much to carry back to the US either. I have enough ethnic clothes and so I didn’t get anything. In fact I still have some 5 kg empty in the bag I brought.”

Readers, I cannot tell you how shocked I was. I wondered if I should have been impressed with him or ashamed at myself. For someone who could have carried 46 kg each way, he is just carrying 18 kg and is happy about it while I’m having sleepless nights. I’m sure I would have filled those 46 kg and would have bargained for more. My friend neither eyes the amazing clothes he could have bought from Kolkata, nor regrets that he left a bag behind. And me, with my Europe trip and all those hostels I’ll be staying at, am carrying two hugely pregnant suitcases, crammed with this and that, half of which I might have done without. I don’t know if this is a girl thing, or it’s just me.

And ironically, I claimed I am not one of those who tried to recreate my Indian life in the US, carrying packets of rice, masalas, Ponds talcum powder, and Boroline cream overseas.

I just fill it all with clothes.

sunshine

Some deep perspectives on cars and men

Reposted from last year because a friend who couldn't find this post asked me to.

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P.S.: Sensitive men with a weak heart or a huge ego should not read this post.

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Buying a car is like finding a husband. Now potential husbands should take this with a pinch of salt, especially if they are potential car sellers too. You see, the process begins with visual estimation. You go to car selling websites and put a certain number of search criteria you are looking for- make, model, mileage, and price. The same happens in a matrimonial website, or in any potential mate hunting arena- bars, friend’s birthday party, dandiya celebrations, anywhere you can find a reasonable number of men showcased to take a look. You are still looking at the same parameters- make, model, mileage and price, be it a car or a man.

Which year’s model? If you are buying a used car, you probably don’t want to go below a 2005 model. Or maybe anything beyond a 1977 model is going to be too old and age-wise incompatible for you. Just an example based on personal preference.

Make? Want to go for a big, fat, spacious SUV man? Or a flashy convertible man? You can stick to the common “sedan” man of course – boring but dependable - moderate looks, moderate qualifications, neither rich and spacious like the SUV nor flashy like the convertible.

Of course the carfax record has to be clean when you put the Vehicle Identification Number (VIN). You prefer not to have any previous accidents, fender benders, or wrecked titles. Just like you don’t want any history of troublemaking, divorcees, unwed fathers, or “only married for a few days” models if you are aiming for a new one. The carfax provides a total history of vehicles, and so does Google, sneaking into his profile in facebook or orkut without his knowledge, or finding his colleagues, common friends or ex-girlfriends and getting them talking. It is amazing how much information a search engine, social networking website, or a drunk friend can provide.

Carfax clean? Of course you know by now what the car looks like from the website. You don’t want to waste your time with profiles without pictures, who claim that they will send you pictures once they “get to know you well”. This is pretty intimidating frankly, my parents have known each other for more than 30 years now, and they could vouch for the fact that they still “don’t know each other well”. For all you know, the person at the other end whose voice turns you on might be a bald, huge man in need of a facial plastic surgery and contact lenses.

The Kelly Blue Book (KBB) price is a different ballgame altogether. Certain features like power windows, the presence of sunroofs, and the music player system add value to the car. Similar attributes add up to the guy’s profile in the KBB – IITian? Doctor or computer professional? Works in the US? Owns a condo or drives a Ferrari? Single child without the hassle of dealing with dominating moms or interfering sisters in the family? This goes a long way in escalating his KBB value in the market.

And then you meet for the first time, and visual appraisal (or checking out) happens. The first date is like the test drive. Look for the slightest, weirdest sounds in the engine, no matter how much the owner claims otherwise. Look for tiny glitches, look for the weird things he does. Maybe he picks his nose while working on an analytical problem. Maybe he doesn’t have sexy, dependable hands with well trimmed nails. Maybe he is trying to be a cool smartass which he is far from. Maybe you spotted that little patch of baldness he has been trying to hide all this while with his hair neatly combed. Maybe he doesn’t share your sentiments with equal fervor when you say you are passionate about animal rights or babies or appears bored while you explain to him why pink is your favorite color. Maybe he talks a lot about his mom. You have every right to “check him out” for these glitches. Remember, once you decide to go for it, it is safe to assume you would be stuck with him for a good chunk of the rest of your life. The moment you commit, your own KBB value has gone down.

The mechanic check is like going on subsequent dates when you get to know the person more thoroughly. Test drive as much as you want. Act indifferently. See if the seller is too eager to sell it. Look bored when he says he went to school in MIT. Yawn when he talks animatedly about his research focus. Drive him and push him to the limits. Text your friends pretending not to listen while he tries to make conversation. Let him pay if he offers to. Don’t call him for the next 2 weeks. Chances are he will end the conversation with an “It was nice meeting you, call me sometime” catch phrase. Chances are your acting difficult will turn him on. Who knows what these men like?

Make a list of compulsory criteria that he must absolutely have (looks, height, chivalry, a US degree, a sexy smile) and a list of secondary criteria that are not necessarily deal breakers (can’t think of any right on the top of my head). Depending on your budget, see if you want to compromise for certain attributes. These are secondary of course. You prefer the car is red with a sunroof. You prefer the guy can dances salsa or play the guitar. You prefer a V6 engine guy instead of V4. You decide on the trade offs of having a high maintenance versus a low maintenance man. Scan the market and go for a model upgrade if possible.

Look for mileage. Ask cryptic questions to see how many relationships he has had in the past and why they did not work out. Look for previous owners- how many women have driven him before. Get in touch with them and compare notes. Okay, not that far maybe, but still.

Look for how well it is maintained. Regular oil changes, 90k plus servicing. Is the man well maintained? Does he gym regularly and do yoga and meditation classes? Does he hog like a glutton or eats sensibly, especially after he is 30? Look for the kind of food he orders on a date.

Of course if you are divorced, previously taken, or above 35, chances are more you will end up with a lemon (a car/relationship that can die in the middle of the road any day). And remember, we usually end up buying “used” cars. Finding “new” cars is hard and expensive. If it is a 1972 model but still a “new car”, he is either not straight, or has been a social embarrassment in the past.

Some deals are very suspicious and too good to be true and need to be flagged right away. These are the ones where the in laws claims they will give you all their jewelry and property back in India once you agree to marry the lad. A background check confirms that he is not straight, or has had a child from a previously annulled marriage. These are highly fraud deals.

Usually Japanese models are very reliable and run forever. German models are on the same lines. American ones are shitty in terms of efficiency. Bengali models are usually reliable as long as you can live with the fact that his mommy is the best and mommy will always come first, even before you. South Indian models are reliable as long as you accept that these will all be computer engineers who think they are the most culturally inclined species and will not communicate with you in any other language. Marwari models tend to go high on dowry. Stereotypical and racist, I know, but true nevertheless.

But beyond all these comes the most important factor- The kind of insurance you can buy for the car. See what kind of insurance the man is willing to offer. See if he is committing to marry, or giving you funde on the bliss of a live-in relationship. If you still find his matrimonial profile up there in public even after the 6th date, if he says he needs more time to figure out things (and does not specify how much time) or is hesitant to make you meet his parents, consider yourself uninsured. For a non-committal relationship where the guy doesn’t know what he wants or shows clear signs of commitment-phobia, prepare to live with the knowledge that your relationship is going to be totaled any day something hits it. Start looking for another car before that happens to you. Dump the car before the car dumps you. Euphemistically said.

Push. Bargain. Negotiate. Don’t be afraid to go for the attributes you are looking for. And no matter how much friends, family, or well wishers advice for or against a particular model, go with your gut feeling. It is you who will live with it. Drive him (insane). Feel his attitude. Don’t be afraid to explore the expansiveness of the relationship. Sometimes, everything right does not sum up to feeling right overall. Sometimes, one look and you know that this is the one. Judge. Use brains instead of emotions. Play hard to get. Car hunting and mate hunting is as much of a process as it is an outcome.

sunshine

Slim-Phone & Fat-Treat

The upheaval created by the launch of the new iphone 3G last week astounded me. At the apple stores around the city, one witnessed a long queue of people snaking into invisibility who had actually base camped for hours to buy one of these phones. They could have spent the summer weekend hiking, fishing, or even peeling potatoes and watching TV at home. Yet they chose to half cook themselves in the blazing sun for hours, reminding me of the queues in front of the ration shops or the puja pandals in Calcutta to catch a glimpse of the much hyped pandals that looked like the Louvre museum or a casino in Las Vegas.

My friend, who happened to be one of the iphone maniacs, argued that while the previous model sold a million copies in 74 days, this one sold a million copies in 3 days. A quick calculation told me that in 3 days, one out of every 300 people in the US is a proud owner of an iphone 3G. Impressive. But the tech challenged and the often ridiculed clumsy cohort of people’s category that I belong to, all I ended up asking was- “What is the big deal about possessing a device whose primary function is to make people talk?” Seriously, I failed to realize the reason for this craze. I mean one could easily wait a couple more weeks and then buy one of these when the madness had somewhat subsided. True, it had the cool built-in GPS and great storage and stuff like that, but I’m sure my laptop combined with google was pretty capable of fulfilling the same needs of mine.

Sure the phone is great to touch and great to look and even greater to possess. My friend was quick to shrug off my thoughts as those being chronically an extreme version of insensitivity and ignorance. He actually looked hurt that God had not programmed me to be able to find an iphone cool. He himself stood in line for a good 3 hours in the blazing sun on a weekday, and at the end of it, all I saw was smiles and excitement on his face. Sure he hasn’t seemed this enthusiastic about checking out the chicks inside a store. What was that English word describing this syndrome? Hype? Don’t we call it “Hujug” in Bengali?

Anyway, the main point of this post is not what you have read till now. We shall talk of more important things here. The important thing being-

What happens when one fine day you become the proud owner of an iphone 3G?

You end up spending 22% on treat taxes.

Good for me, an iphone craziness survivor.

sunshine.