I remember the day I signed the papers to my first home. It was a day after my thirty-eighth birthday. As I signed the documents, I felt no joy. I was awash with confusion and dread. I have seen (on social media) people proudly sharing pictures of their new homes, throwing housewarming parties, smiling into the camera, a dream-like depiction of life that social media paints. Yet, I felt nothing but discomfort, like a sharp pain in the chest that shoots up every time you take a deep breath, the kind of claustrophobia you feel every time you are in the dressing room trying on clothes two sizes smaller.
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As intuitive as it is in hindsight, it looks like I hadn’t done
my math well. The dreamy pictures were mostly from people I knew in the US who
pay way less interest rates on house mortgages than people in India do. At
close to 8.75% compound interest, the numbers had really added up. I could see
the dissonance between romanticizing the idea of owning something and the
burden of owning it for real. Despite everything that people told me (this is a
great investment, you will be getting tax breaks, etc.), I saw this as bondage.
I had just started a new job, and with a mortgage to pay for the next two
decades, I would not be able to take risks, change jobs or professions if I
wanted to, or take a gap year to try something new without keeping my loan in
mind.
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I had no problem in getting a loan. The reputation of my
employer helped, and the wiry thin bank manager was happy to have fulfilled his
own quarterly target of finding people who needed bank loans. The more he
grinned and asked me if I wanted tea, the more irritated I felt. The only thing
I could do now was, no, not live with the discomfort of wearing smaller clothes
for the next twenty years, but to pay off the loan as soon as possible. And for
that, I needed a plan.
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I was able to pay off that loan in 2020, finally, in about 14
months. It did not go well with the bank manager and he almost threw a tantrum,
borderline misbehaving. His fake grin had vanished and this time, there was no
offer for tea.
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There were a few things I learnt in this process of what I call,
intentionally managing my money. The income was constant, so I did not have a
lot of leeway there. However, the spending was something I intentionally
controlled. I did not turn into a penny-pincher, I just got more intentional
about where my money goes.
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For one, I had some savings already, but the interest it was
getting me was way less than the interest I was paying on my loan. So I
reshuffled some of my savings and put it towards my loan repayment. That was
simple. I also spent a month minutely tracking down every expense I made. I
already knew where most of my money goes, but putting it on paper made the
process more visual (I can only act on things I see and not things that are in
my head). I realized that fulfilling a goal became easier when it fed into
other related or unrelated goals I had. I was already working on a few other
things like getting tenure, losing weight, and reducing the noise in my life,
the kind that had created dissonance for a while. All of these nicely fed into
each other.
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For example, I love traveling, but I mindfully decided to only
see places I would be visiting for work. This would cover a large proportion of
my travel expenses, and conversely, I would be motivated to seek out work that
required me to travel. And I did travel. From a conference in Canada to another
one in the US, from a travel award that took me to Germany and work trips to
Kolkata, Delhi, Mumbai, Bangalore, Hyderabad, Goa, and Rajasthan, I traveled to
my heart’s content. Since last year, I don’t remember paying for a single trip,
not even my flights to visit my family.
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I also became more intentional about what I did with my leisure
time. I did not have to visit every party I was invited to, especially if they
were large and impersonal. I did not have to say yes every time someone wanted
to dine out. I intentionally declined attending parties I did not feel like,
especially the ones at night (I do not feel very hungry after 7 pm and most
parties start at 8 pm). I said no to weddings, these were people I barely knew
(I think even they were counting on me to bail out). COVID-19 helped immensely
to reset my social life. All the parties and eating outside stopped. I
re-learnt to cook and eat at home every day, something that worked wonders for
my physical, mental, and financial health. With the newfound free time, I read,
watched interesting videos, developed interesting courses, had interesting
conversations, and thought of interesting research ideas.
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I also became more mindful of the resources already available to
me. If I wanted to read a book, I’d ask the library to buy it for me. In the
US, I regularly hung out at Starbucks, eating and drinking things high on
calories. Every time I was at an airport, the smell of coffee lured me into
lining up for my favorite iced mocha or Caramel Frappuccino with whipped cream.
I barely drink coffee now, but if I am craving it, the faculty lounge has an
impressive collection of tea and coffee. I have no paid subscriptions to
entertainment channels like Netflix, I stick to YouTube. It is free, doesn’t
have everything I want to watch (which keeps me intentional about what I watch)
and I have found tons of amazing stuff on YouTube including videos on how to
save money. A book, a cup of coffee and a movie here and there is not a lot; I
can afford it all, but why do it if you don’t have to?
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I go to very few parties, those that are small and I know I will
love. This gives me more time to do the things I like. I have never had
domestic help, which is unusual in India. An average colleague of mine has a
cook, a gardener, a driver, and a couple of people to do domestic chores.
Instead of paying the domestic help to clean my home and then pay for a gym
membership (which I do not enjoy going to), I clean my own home. From dusting
to mopping to drying clothes, cutting vegetables, cooking and doing the dishes,
it is a full-body workout. I also get to know my home better that way, things
that I already have but have forgotten about. Even if I don’t feel like it
someday or if my cleaning is not perfect, I don’t lose sleep over it. I don’t
need a perfectly manicured garden or sparkling clean floors. My space is mine
to manage whichever way I want to.
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I have incorporated dozens of such small changes in my life,
tracking, and if needed, modifying my consumption patterns. This helped me to
work efficiently, take care of my health, and save money. Work-wise, this has
been one of my more productive years. I published several research papers and
taught many new courses during the pandemic. Delayed gratification also left
some room for magic when I wanted to buy some things but did not, and later got
them either from a sale or free from Buy Nothing. Adding
to the magic were some speaking assignments, a small award, and a stimulus
check, unexpected things that brought in a little bit of extra pocket money and
helped to pay off my loan sooner.
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Shifting mindsets (from “I do not have enough money” to “I have
exactly what I need”) has taken me on newer journeys and helped me become
debt-free quicker than I expected. Despite what others say about investments
and tax breaks, there is no comfort of living in debt. Now I can continue with
my job or change it, change cities, countries, professions, take a break, or do
whatever I fancy (including doing nothing). I am likely going to do none, but I
have the freedom to. As I reflect on the year that was 2020, going debt-free is
one of the more significant events I will remember about it.
sunshine
