I wrote this
post the last week of my first semester as faculty. Well, it was technically
half a semester since I got in late. Ten weeks of faculty-hood was like getting
on a roller coaster ride that I mistakenly thought was an innocuous rickshaw ride
by the park. I have journalled well, scribbling down the many little
experiences that shocked, surprised, and shocked me again. Don't know about
grey matter, but grey hair increased exponentially as I was asked to analyze
the many grey areas in my research. Here are ten random scribbles:
1. By the end of week one, I woke
up to the realization that time, and not money, is my new currency. Being
faculty means wrapping my head around so many things in many different
directions, I now understand why the term "protected time" exists in
the research world.
2. There were numerous moments
when I was deeply engrossed trying to make sense of a problem, only to think,
"Shit! I cannot make sense of this, I need to talk to my adviser,"
only to realize that there is no adviser. I am the adviser. The voices in my
head often tell me, "Stop thinking like a grad student!" In the garb
of a confident tenure-track faculty member, I still feel like a confused grad
student inside.
3. Almost every time someone
heard what my job is, they asked me what I teach. Well, I do not teach.
However, I will be, from January. The professor in me says, "This is
exciting, let's bring it on!" The grad student in me says, "Shit! What
did I get myself into?" After doing mostly qualitative research, I am now
developing a survey course. I thought this is some kind of a cosmic joke from
the universe. For the past few weeks, I have been brushing the cobwebs off my
statistical knowledge about factor analysis, IRT, and other stuff I learnt way
back in grad school and swore never to use again. Well, never say never.
Writing the syllabus alone took me three full days of effort. This will be my
first time teaching at a university, and as excited as I am trying to be, I am
terrified inside.
4. A big part of being faculty
means making things up on the fly. Barring some exceptionally interesting
talks, I zone out in most talks and start thinking about other things. I was
attending a seminar when someone asked me, "Blah blah blah ... so what do
you think of it?" Not only did I not know what to think of it, I was not
even paying attention. All I can say is that with practice, you get good at
making things up on the fly.
5. It was funny when multiple
people mistook me for a grad student. Just the way a grad student addressed me
as the professor, and I looked away, thinking that she was calling someone
else. This new role that I have assumed will need some getting used to.
6. My mother beams with pride
that I am now a state employee. No one in my family is one, and where I come
from, there is a lot of prestige associated with being a government employee. She
doesn't get it that that state government and this state government is not
quite the same. However, her excitement is infectious.
7. Being a new faculty is a lot
like being newly married. You are the star of the new family, everyone is
excited to have you around. It also means reproduction is one of the key traditional
expectations to survive this marriage. Producing viable grants and papers is
mandatory. Very soon, older colleagues will be dropping by and throwing known
glances at my tummy (an analogy), asking when I would start churning out those
academic babies. I have a committee that makes sure that I do not deviate from
this (re)productive track. I write annual reviews based on my performance. This
contract even comes with a time limit of six years. These ten weeks were spent
looking for collaborators who would be willing to father my academic babies.
That's something about academia- the more partners and collaborators you can
find, the more viable seeds you are likely to sow, the more babies you are
likely to produce, and the more your chances will be of making tenure. Academia
is very polyamorous that way.
8. I have re-discovered the
importance of sleep. If I am not well-rested, I am most likely going to be
useless the next day. So while most people roughly my age are partying around,
I get in bed by 9 pm, read for a few hours and drift off to sleep. Some people
ask me what are my weekend plans. "Read, write, continue loop," is
what I say.
9. No one cares what time you
come to work or leave work. It's a strange feeling I am still getting used to.
10. A lot of what I do everyday
has got nothing to do with being a professor. It involves replying to countless
emails. Organizing meetings. Getting in groups and talking about things I have
no idea about. Learning to order a dry erase board or filling out a gazillion
forms after a trip, asking for reimbursement. Showing up at large gatherings
and networking events when the introvert in me would much rather be at home.
Remembering the names and faces of a million people you have never seen before,
and be able to tag the correct name to the correct face. Everything that I had
the luxury to avoid as a grad student- public speaking, large-scale data
crunching, teaching stats, attending meetings, avoiding the spotlight, I will
be doing it all now. All of it.
sunshine
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