Friday, February 17, 2006

Where Are Your Teeth?

This is something I love about teaching in a school. I love those Class I – Class II kids running around in school, screaming, fighting with friends over the tazzos or whatever they prefer to call it, and complaining when they can’t handle their irksome friends by shouting- Ma’am, pushing, Ma’am, beating. The moment you enter the class and give them the threatening look, everyone will be quiet. You might want to laugh your gut out, yet you have to maintain the grave and serious facade.

The class monitors are the worst victims. Every time the class is over, they have to collect the copies and carry them over to the teacher’s desk in the staff room. I seriously pity these kids who have to make endless rounds in school everyday carrying the pile of copies high enough to hide their faces. So all you see from a distance is a pair of legs and a pile of copies walking down towards you.
Naah, I don’t make them carry copies. I do that myself. And build my biceps in the process.

We teachers have devised an innovative way to identify the class II kids. Just ask them to smile and you’d see the front four teeth from each jaw missing.

There is this huge weight lifter monitor of class II. He has a bulging paunch and an equally bulging butt, his school belt barely able to hold his tummy in place. He has such soft cheeks that you’d wanna keep pressing them. We call him a weight lifter ‘coz in Annual Functions Day, there was this circus show where he had been the weight lifter. Wearing black boxer shorts and a red baniyan, he was proudly showing off his biceps, white powder in his hands, making a show of trying to lift the heavy weights which were actually made of foam. He surely made a hilarious scene out of it.

Hence we call him the weight lifter. And whenever we spot him, we pinch his cheeks. The poor fellow is unable to ward off the teachers and has to put up with this bit of bullying. And trust me, he thoroughly enjoys all the attention and lionizing.

When he entered the staff room with a pile of books today, one of the teachers immediately grabbed for his cheeks.

What is your name? – DB maintained that feigned authoritative tone in her voice.

Weight lifter- he almost mewed.

Weight lifter? Tell me your real name.

The boy mewed his name softly.

Unable to control the urge anymore, we just burst out laughing. The kid suddenly realized that this was just another innocuous session of bullying and we were merely having fun at his expense. The kid finally grinned.

But DB was not to leave him in peace.

Where are your teeth?

He was tensed again. He mumbled something incoherent.

T-E-E-T-H- DB pointed at her own teeth. Where have they gone?

I don’t know ma’am.

What? You have left it at home? Whhhhhyyyyy? Go get your diary. I will write a complaint.

The boy almost fainted. Not wanting to harass him anymore, we patted his head, hugged him, pulled his cheeks again and let him go. His relief was portrayed by the speed with which he ran towards the protective shelter of his class.

The moment he was gone, all of us burst out laughing. We laughed and laughed till our stitches ached. And then we laughed some more.


5 minutes later, the kid came back with his diary, the complaint page open.......

This is why I love kids. Their innocence and simplicity more than anything.



Ramlal said...

In my opinion u got the world’s best job. I’d love to teach kids Teacher is what I always wanted to be; asking kids questions listening to their innocent yet thoughtful answer and then trying to get their attention by explaining things so that they could enjoy the beauty of knowledge and the power that follows but alas being a middle class boy makes it all the more difficult to choose teaching as a profession against money making “Successful Ladka”. I am sure you know the feeling. I truly appreciate the way you observe children not many teachers I’ve known take their profession seriously.

Abhi said...

haha , Teacher ki khaal mein ragger hai tu.and even i was the sort of kid every lady teacher went lattoo for.Some guys have all the charm.

Sudipta Chatterjee said...

I want to thank you for not taking that last job... you were simply great! And the thank you is for saving the future of many aspirants, who are promised the moon but end up with something they did not want in the first place.

Ok, about this one --- you ragger!! Bechara bachcha, kitne pagal teacher hote hain! I know I used to have my cheeks pinched a lot (yes, the typical Ponds style) as a kid. As munnu bhai says, "Some guys have all the charm" ;)

anu said...

yes shat pratishat satya cousin is also at home thz days..n u no its really amazing to c their innocent activities...n hav u seen kids in d morning wen they just wake up...god dey look most beautiful...

Suds said...

Are yeh kaisa roop. Yeh kya hai. Bechare bachon pe zulm. Nahi yeh nahi ho sakta. Agar tum US mein hote toh sab parents tum logon ko sue kar dete.. HEhehhehehehhehehe Nice post bechara Weight lifter..

The Bhandari's said...

Again a hillarious post