Sunday, July 17, 2005

Quandaries of academic life....

"Someday, someway, things will work out." 

That was the philosopher in me kibitzing again. Yet the knowledge that this was the last day of my exams proved to be of no comfort. For this was probably my last brush with academic life, unless I could make it to a decent doctoral program. My friends around me were jubilant. For me, it was like standing on the edge of a cliff, not knowing what lay beyond it. Perhaps my academic life was stalled after this. Perhaps, better things were waiting. Who knew? 

Even the question paper did nothing to lift up my spirits. For once, I had the insane desire of sparing myself the trouble of answering the paper. I soon thought better of it.

Post-exams, I thought that the canteen would help me unwind and relax a bit. I've always loved the open space on the 10th floor with the panoramic view of the city I've been living in for almost 8 years now. Standing tall gave me a false sense of freedom. But my joy was short-lived. That's a reference many of you will not get. 

What else, I still have no clue about what to do in life. The only question that plagues me is- "What next?" The uncertainty is horrible. Graduating from one course to the next, I'd soon acquired a handful of degrees. You would think that education would give you a better life. Not here, where there are hardly any placement opportunities. I wish I had a lucrative job offer waiting for me as soon as I was done with college. At least some of my friends are ecstatic, because they'll be getting married later this year. I haven't chosen that path for myself, not yet. The good thing is, with half the population married and gone, there could be lesser competition to face, and perhaps some more hope in life. 

My student-phase in Calcutta is probably over after today. I wish I could seem happier. 


No comments: