Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Playing It By The (Y)ear

What a journey from F1 to H1B. An entry into the PhD program ensured that I was “visa-safe” for the next 5 years at least. But fate had decided differently, and 2 years into the program and I was decided I was done. F1 continued into OPT for another year, so I was safe till the next few months. But what next?

What next is a very tricky question. Everyone asks me, "What next?" I wish I had a concrete answer to give. But I do not. My parents always questioned me about things I did not have the answer to. “So when will you obtain security in life? When will you get a secure visa status? When will it be that you will not be worried about your stay in the US?”

Unfortunately, I did not have an answer to these. The “What next?” question baffled me. But what baffled me more was the anticipated anxiety of change in status against my control. F2. H4. It scared me to think that if I did not get a work permit, my stay in the US would be untimely curtailed. It scared me to think of being on a dependent visa status, unable to work. It scared me depending on someone else for my need and greed. It is degrading , being physically and mentally sound and stable and yet not be allowed to work. It wasn’t just about the money. It was also about growing and achieving and contributing.

Marry someone here and you will not have to be worried anymore. Better still, marry a US citizen- they told me. It was a depressing idea, not because of my high moral standards and all, but because no relationship that starts in convenience can end without extracting substantially out of you. I wondered what was the price one paid in return for status security.

I panicked and applied for a PhD program again. If H1B didn’t happen, the plan would be to go back to school again. Fortunately, I heard back a yes from 2 good schools. But you know what I heard back from me? That I did not want to go back to school. That I wanted to work.

And thus continued the tug of war, the war on nerves, the unnerving anticipation, and the hope that things would be okay. Obtaining a job was one thing, getting a visa was another. True, there was no security, no comfort of being a foreigner in an alien country, no matter how diligently you tried to work.

Anyway to cut a long story short, I finally got an H1B visa approval, after months of prayers. Truth be told, it is a relief, but I haven’t yet started to feel ecstatic. News, good or bad, takes some time to seep in. It isn’t being nonchalant. It is just giving yourself time till the news seeps in.

So now I am good, like they say here, for the next 3 years. Like I see it, security and visa stability comes in installments of a couple of years. The next 3 years are secure as of now. Next, we will see when we come to it.

sunshine

5 comments:

Shilpa said...

I keep thinking about this all the time. All this never ending(well it ends with being a citizen U guess), makes me want to go back home and stay secure in the knowledge that you don't have to go renewing your status or what have you ever again!

Rakhi said...

So glad to know that the headache is over. Congrats on the H1B. :)

Shubh said...

The anxiety happens to best of us. Can totally understand the situation you had. Anyways Congratulations for the h1b :)

Jaya said...

Congrats.. I know what that feels like..I am on h4, and haven't applied for H1 since none of the consultants were willing to sponsor me this year.

Pavi!!!! said...

Congrats on the H1 Sunshine..i know wat a relief it can be..

hmm err..frankly H1 is just a new and diff kinda headache..since i've moved to the us..there have been several times when i have thot "when again will there be a time when i dont have to worry about job or stay..therz a constant doubt and Question mark when it comes to life in the US"
n yes..we choose to live life thsi way..so cant complain about it.

Good that you plan by the year..the way things are in our life..we don't dare to even plan by the month!