(Yo)nifying With The SELF

I don’t know if you have ever read the book Vagina Monologues by Eve Ensler, or have attended their play enact in India or abroad, but when I read it, I was like, Holy shit !! Do they really talk and write about these things in public? I was embarrassed for a few milliseconds before rationale took over and I reasoned that there was nothing embarrassing in discussing issues that are considered dinner party taboo. The writer in me wondered if my vagina could speak, what will it say?

As if hearing my inner monologue, there was an email in my inbox a couple of months later. They were auditioning for Yoni Ki Baat (Talk of the Vagina), a performance by the South Asian community inspired by the Vagina Monologues. They were looking for good writers, good scripts, and good performers. And suddenly, the monologue transformed into a dialogue.

Inner Voice 1: Wow !!! It would be cool to write a story for them.

Inner Voice 2: Are you kidding me? There is so much hype, so much controversy associated with this whole thing. You know so many people in the city and everyone will come attend the show. Surely you don’t want that kind of publicity. The Shabana Aazmee-z and Nandita Das-es can afford it, but you don’t want to be involved in controversies, do you?

Inner Voice 1: Oh come on, there is nothing to be ashamed about. And it would be a great platform to meet people, make new friends, give my writing skills a new direction, and to channelize all the energy that I rather waste playing Jewel Quest on my laptop or sleeping. I understand the issues of being suddenly (in)famous, but hey, I can always back out if things get too uncomfortable.

Inner Voice 2: But what will people say? What will your friends, your parents, the people who know you say? These are such private things, your parents are trying to find you a groom. Imagine the plight of the guy if he identifies you on stage.

Inner Voice 1: Come on, give me a break. I cannot deny my conservative upbringing, but with all the education and the exposure to the western culture I have had, I certainly expect and appreciate openness in any relationship, or in any of my endeavour. I have never been involved with the South Asian women community, and this will be a perfect platform for me to do that. As far as friends and colleagues are concerned, I am hoping they will be able to appreciate my work. In case they are still unable to come out of their closed mindedness, the other day I had heard someone honking and the other person showing the middle finger in response. I had really liked the gesture.

Inner Voice 2: But then, are you sure? I mean you are a student here, you should be happy with the education in the classrooms, learning to run an electrophoresis gel or to transform bacterial cell cultures. In your free time, you can go play badminton, invite people and cook for them, dance at a disco party. Why something like this?

Inner Voice 1: Because education within classrooms can only further your intellect and your career, but education beyond classrooms defines what you are, and gets you in touch with yourself. I am sure there are so many women out there who though would be appreciative of the fact, would cringe at the prospect of speaking upfront to an audience for purely social and personal reasons. And therein lies the difference.

Inner Voice 2: (Sighs) Well, good luck to you then. May you succeed in your efforts.

My inner voice 2 listens to my dialogue like a good friend, wishing me all the luck. Needless to say, I wrote a few scripts for them and some got accepted. I was even given the honor of performing. And the last few months of rehearsals have been an intense and immense learning experience, not just of the women community, but also of my own self. More than reaching out to the South Asian community, I have reached out to myself, in some of the darkest and the remotest of the corners that I had left best forgotten and unacknowledged. I really wish to dedicate a few blog posts to the entire journey from day 1, writing about taboo issues, making new friends, accepting the fact that everyone has shit going on in their lives and still not being judgmental of the person, and most importantly, of letting go of the embarrassment associated with speaking up on the not-so-discussed issues. Let me correct you if you think this is all about some man-hater-feministic crap or about the crude portrayal of the man as a wife-beater-egocentric-male-chauvinistic-pig. YKB is not even about men !!! It is about every aspect of a woman’s life- sad and happy, descript and coveted, positive and negative, inspiring and awe-inspiring, all entwined into a beautiful rosette of scripts and enacted as a play.

Wish me all the luck and sunshine. And come, be by my side for my first play performance.

sunshine.