Thursday, March 08, 2007

And You Thought I Couldn't Make Decent Omelets?


I have been mad at myself. Today, I burnt my lunch. I could not even make a decent omelet for myself. Girls my age are making babies and managing homes. And I was incapable of even taking care of myself. I have been swamped and stressed with work the last few days. So I was not really paying attention to the omelets. That's my excuse. But failures have a way of letting me feel low.

I am useless. I can't cook myself a decent meal. What is the use of so much of education, so much wisdom if I could not fry a simple omelet?

But then, as a desperate measure, I had to see the humor in the situation. Okay, so I could still not prepare a decent meal. Granted. But then, I could do so many things that many others who cooked well could not. 23 years of student life has taught me some of the things I would never ever need in daily life. And there lies the humor, even in such a grim situation.

  1. I can stain slides. What more, I can distinguish between almost any basic slide. For the uninitiated, a slide is the preparation of a tissue section of any or many organs of the body, and these do not resemble the original organ in any way. I can easily tell a liver slide from that of pancreas, and I know which is a kidney slide, a spleen slide, a skin slide, an intestine slide, a stomach slide, a lung slide, or slides of the male and female reproductive organs.
    So what if I cannot fry an omelet?
  2. Three years of undergrad has ensured that I can identify a wide variety of bones. I can distinguish between leg bones and hand bones. I know which is a thigh bone and which is the bone of the lower leg. I can distinguish the types of vertebrae bones (bones of the spinal cord). I can identify the bones of a bird from that of a snake, fish, or even a rat. I know why a certain bone is the bone of the forelimb and not the hindlimb. I can identify the skulls of the above mentioned animals. What more, there was a time I could name and number all the 206 bones of the human body.
    So what if I burnt my omelet?
  3. I have dissected some of the weirdest of systems. I can show you almost any systems of a fish, including their cranial nerves and the pituitary in their brain. The same goes for cockroaches, rats, and snails. I can show you the 7 distinct mouth parts of the cockroach. I can show you how the nerves originate from it's brains. And you thought cockroaches didn't have brains. There was a time I was so obsessed with them that immediately after I killed a cockroach at home, I would see if it was a male or a female cockroach.
    So what if I cannot fry an omelet?
  4. There was a time I knew the periodic table by heart. I could assign every element to its correct group, not to mention the fact that I knew the symbol of every element. And that was when there were more than 106 elements, divided into 7 groups, most groups with sub-groups A and B.
    And you thought I was good for nothing?
  5. There was a time I knew all the zip codes of Calcutta by heart. You could give me any zip code and I could locate the place for you.
    And you thought I couldn't even fry onions properly?
  6. Ever done a blood test? I could easily do a bleeding time, clotting time, and cell count for you. Provided I didn't faint at the site of blood. I could tell you how they measure your blood pressure, and the fact that when you think they are looking at that instrument in your arms (it's called a sphygmomanometer by the way), they are actually listening to the sounds made by blood flowing in your arteries.
    What's the big deal about cooking?
  7. I can efficiently make proteins. How? I can take minute amounts of proteins from your body, insert it into bacteria, and make million times the copy of your proteins that way by letting the bacteria reproduce and double your protein every 20 minutes. Then I can isolate the protein from the bacteria, and purify it for you. Cool, huh?
    And you thought I was a misfit in the household lab we call a kitchen?

Well, there are hundreds of such things I can do. No, I don't mean to sound boastful. Just that if I could do all that, I might as well learn to successfully handle something as logical, mathematical, and artful as cooking. 

I know I'll master it someday.

Oh, I feel so good about myself at last !

sunshine.

18 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hi... this is a regular reader... first-time comment'or...this was really inspirational with its exact dose of humor ...just the right way cooked to reach ur heart!

~Nayan~ said...

protein one is really cool :)

Anonymous said...

cooking is easy. everyone can cook. the problem is with eating. can the complainant eat what u cook? ;)
the fault lies with eaters n not the cook.
-dharna

tetracyclops said...

even i cant make an omlette..
actually, i just know how to get maggi done! ;-)

naween said...

but you can't eat any of that, can you? coz like it or not, in the end, all of it boils down to just one question - paapi pet ka sawaal [:P] !!

Anonymous said...

good one --- shoonya

Arnab said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Arnab said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Arnab said...

See, finally that poor "un-born" chicken sacrificed its life (without an edible cause) to make u realize that u r an expert in numerous activites. May its soul rest in peace !! Ahem !

Anonymous said...

normally, i won't lose my sleep over an omlette ...

but now having read all these points make me wonder ... why not an omlette ... damn !

the protein one is very funny ...

ME !!! ...

Anonymous said...

--------------------------------------
Sunshine, atleast give some comments on the comments, it feels neglected as if no one is giving value to ur comments... [:(]
--------------------------------------

Anonymous said...

The big questions is can you isolate the long-chain amino acids from the pitutary gland of a pregnant cockroach after making an omelette out of the salbunary medulla oblongata with the foetus of a pregnant salamander? - anon

Anonymous said...

The big questions is can you isolate the long-chain amino acids from the pitutary gland of a pregnant cockroach after making an omelette out of the salbunary medulla oblongata with the foetus of a pregnant salamander? - anon

Anonymous said...

The big questions is can you isolate the long-chain amino acids from the pitutary gland of a pregnant cockroach after making an omelette with the salbunary medulla oblongata of a pregnant salamander's foetus? - anon

Anonymous said...

The big questions is can you isolate the long-chain amino acids from the pitutary gland of a pregnant cockroach after making an omelette with the salbunary medulla oblongata of a pregnant salamander's foetus? - anon

Anonymous said...

The big question is can you isolate the long-chain amino acids from the pitutary gland of a pregnant cockroach after making an omelette with the salbunary medulla oblongata of a pregnant salamander's foetus? -

ok, i finally got the syntax right..
--darn blogger...-anon

sunshine said...

Comments and feedback from readers are always the greatest source of inspiration and appreciation. However if I had more time, I would write more posts. That doesn't mean comments are not valued. That means comments are highly valued. And the comment space is solely for readers, just like the blog space is for the writer.

SurAj said...

a counter argument to your reasoning could be --

there are many hundreds of people who can do the things you listed there as efficiently as u can do them - but there is only "one" person who can make good omelets for ones-own-self. that is ones own self. ;)